3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
