i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
