I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
