You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
