In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize