TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sext me about skeletons
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
