allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
