Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
