Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
