FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
