you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
