I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
