I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
