Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The chlamydia really affected his face.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
