Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
