I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
