He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
