The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
