His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
