U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
