I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
