My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
