I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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