Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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