I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just want nice things and good sex
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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