I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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