Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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