when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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