I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
