1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
