you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize