it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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