So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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