if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
