Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
