I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
