I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
