So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
