i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
this will be a night to untag.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
