Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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