I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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