eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
