im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize