So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
