you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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