Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
