He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
