he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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