We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
