i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
