I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
