Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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