Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
