I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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