This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
