im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
