Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
