I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
