Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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