Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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