Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
