Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
