I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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