He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
