I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
