Me. At least after what I've been through.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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