No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
